Steph

My Birthday is coming up and to normal people it would be an exciting thing. However for me not so much. I don't care that it is so close to x-mas. I just have bad memories of my "Special" day. It is hard to think of good times. If one would to look up when Birthdays started to become popular. It was during the time of the plague and they would celebrate that another year has gone by and you did not get hit by the plague. Kinda sad that it took a deadly illness that took a number of people away. Now we still celebrate. But Why? yeah we lived another year but is that really what we should be doing. I have gone many years not caring anymore. It is not a really special to me anymore. Maybe we as people get older and see what really is important in life. Life is not just about me their are other people in this world. why should the day of me entering this world be so special? I have not done anything to celebrate. I am still trying to find my way. I am lost right now so why should I celebrate another year of me being lost in my life. It makes no sense.

Maybe one day I will care again.
Maybe one year I will have a reason to celebrate my birthday.
However for now I see no point.

I am so sorry for all the actors and models they have to be skinny. But is they are too skinny then people say that it is wrong. Then The tabloids have the nerve to pit a wight under there picture. What do they tell the celebrities to stand on a scale. I highly doubt it. I want to be out in Hollywood and be an actress one day.

I bet everyone asks why did this happen to me? At least once in there life. Well lately I have been asking my self that a lot. I have decided that there will never be a answer to my question. I can live with that. I am not happy about it but there is nothing I can change. So when you catch your self why did this happen to me. just be happy with no answer. possible in the future you will know but at this point in your life and mine. We just don't know.

So don't drive your self crazy trying to understand. I have done that practically all my life. At 20 I will just have to live with a BIG ?

Everyone has them don't lie to your self. Some are big while others are small. What ever they are they are a secret for a reason. I have many that no one know and it is hard to keep. Sometimes I fell like it would be easy just to let people know. But no one will understand. That is why they are Secrets.

Are secrets really worth keeping? Will it be easy just to tell a few people? Is any one worthy of knowing?

Next time you have a secret think of these Questions. There will be one of two thing that will happen.

1) It really is not a big deal why keep it a secret.
or
2) It is a true Secret and no one will be able to know or understand what happened

I am not going to tell you that you need to trust people. Trusting someone is that you will be able to tell them everything you want and not to be scared to do so. Well in my life that is easier said then done. Every time I let someone they tend to disapper. Then I am left all alone. That is when I build my wall around me. Not many people know me even though they think they do.

So next time you are going to let someone in and give them your trust. Think is this going to benefit me or are they just there for the moment? I am not saying don't let them in. Just beware at all times that anything can happen. Sometimes for the best or for the worst.

Trust is important just be careful and know who you are giving that trust to.

Just saw an an amazing movie. It really had great actors Merly Streep and Amy Adams are 2 people that I would love to meet. Well While I watched it made me think. Which in my case is a rear occasion. But I have written 2 manuscripts and working on a 3rd. I know it will be hard to get them published. See the 2 J go through it made me fell like I can do it to. Just like Julie my mom is not the most supported but I will prove her wrong. Just like I have done most of my life. It is a hard job but a good night sleep will get me through any day. Maybe one day I will be out there and get to meet Julie Powell and she can one day give me some pointers.

kkk... Last night was crazy Kelly needs to lay off the Botox and tanning because it is frying her brain... Bethenny just wanted to set everything strat and start over with Kelly.... But Kelly treats Bethenny like she is lower the her.... Whaile Kelly wa talking I was surprised Bethenny didb't punch her or something...I would have... Alex and simon had a perty and Kelly got there eairly... Someone needed a camra... She was not sure how long it would take to get to brooklyn.. OMG I have been to NYC and Manhatten is not that far... The sesion is almost over I am sad... I hope it comes back for a 3rd sesion but with out Kelly....

Kelly and Bethenny had a good fight but Bethenny won. How dare Kelly tell Bethenny that she is lower then her. Real She is no one first of she keepted her Ex-husband's last name. No one would know her Hell there are a lot of peole that don't know her. If it wasn't for this show I wouldn't know her. Then when you set a time to meet someone you are there on time not a half hour late. Real with all that danm money she could buy a watch. I am very protective when it comes to Bethenny I do see my fouture when I see her. One more thing about Kelly why would she wear a green dress and pink boots. It was ugly.
Next, Romona she needs to get mood stabaliers or something one min. she was nice to Simon and Aliex then shes not. It was enterating but a little confusing. Also, Mario and Jill got in a real enterating little fight. It is something in the New york air. Mario doesn't real get the Jill is competive and that is how she has fun. I know because I am the same way. I wish Jill punched Mario I trully think that Jill could take Mario. Just Like if Kelly and Betheny got in a fight I will put money down on Bethenny. Hell I would help out. Mario must have had a bad day, I could tell he was a little tense when he got to the party. Though he could have stayed home and sleept.

Ok I have skipped the last two episodes but I am back. So this week Aliex and Simion came back from there vacation. There house was horable because they are remodeling. It is no place for children I was surpised they did not stay in a safer enviorment. Then Jill is remodleing too and her gay, "Husband" Brad is so going to drive her insane because he is doing what he wants. Luann sent her daughter to boarding schoo which I think is cool and I would have loved to go. Thought at her house there were some anaimals that died and it was all at once. Also Bethenny went out to lunch with luann and tole her that she was going on a date. Luann was giving all this advice like Bethenny has never gone on a date. I really wanted to just slap Luann. I know how Bethenny felt because I do see myslef in Bethenny and I have had my friends do the same to me. Bethenny went on her date and I can tell she had a great time. It was not rue love but she went out. Then aperently Aliex and simmion are writting a book on rassing kids. I lagh so hard because there kids are cutie but have no manners at all. If you remaber last seasion when the oldest was screamming and the youngest was planing with Jason's food. I have no kids but I take care of my nephew a lot every weekend and he would never be able to do that. Any way Bethenny replied by saying, " They should write a book about going through air condtioner vent to get to a party." It is so true. So Luann went to Kelly's house and her kid were there they are so cutie they had a little cooking thing going. at the end Klly was naging the oldest to sit up and all that fun stuff. I have to admit I do the same with the little ones in my family and I was raied the same way. At the end Bethenny was at a health fesival thing and Aliex was there to help and Bethenny told Aliex about her date. Then Aliex explained how her and simon just were looking for one night stands and they actually fell in love. I thought that was sweet but Bethenny and even I could not see that happing. The show was great.
Luann Saying, " There going to call the animal people on us."

For two days Rosie O'Donnell was on Tyra and I loved it. I have always look up to Rosie since I can remember. She is amazing and she knows what she wants. The show today dealt with Foster care. I think I would have been in faster care if I told people about what was going on in my life. Sometimes I think that I would have had a better life and other times I don't because I have had a pretty good life. I may not have gotten to know my family plus I had my 2 cousins that I love and I did not want to leave them. Everything happens for a reason we may not know why and there are times that we will never know. When people like Tyra and Rosie help I am happy for them. The two of them are wonderful people and I wish that one day I can meet them. To all don't miss America Tomorrow night at 9pm on Lifetime. It is going to be a good movie.

This week Countess Luann's dog turned one. He is so cute. Jill had to know the dish on Kelly and since Romona talked to Kelly, Jill keept asking Romona. Then I thought why didn't she ask Luann about Kelly. Jill's Mom and dad came to visit and I love Jill's mom. She is so the mom I wish I had. When I watch the show I see Jill and Betenny in me. Jill is sweet and love her firends like she loves her family. Then Bethenny is just strong and very cautious on who to trust. I am all that and more. So when Jill's mom was talking to Bethenny I was touched because I trully wish I had aomeone like that in my life. I would love to meet the two of them. It was sweet when Jill was getting emotional when Ally was leaving. I do have to say Alix and Simon are woses when it came to the ocean and they ran in and out. I love the ocean and I have been in tryopical water and the Alatic ocean and yeah it is cold but it is still fun. When Luann ran up during the dinner but I see where she was coming from. The person doing the the anocment and I would probly have done the same thing. I can't waite until next week every week the show just getts better.
Bethenny's episode saying, " Homie don't play that!"

Last night was the start of season 2 and Beteanny and Jill were Hilarious in the begging. Especially when Bethenny got up and did her famus "oh no she didn't" Love them. But Romona was being very childish when she walked out of Jill's cherity. She did not have to actually talk to Alix and Simon but she could have a leasts said bye to Jill. The new housewive is ok right now she didn't have much air time. But as the season goes on I will love her or not. She is Pretty and tall, I would be really short next to her.
Bethenny episode saying, "Holly cat fight what did you do now?!"